The Wierd Toilet Dream
----------------------

2003-03-27 Thursday, 3:00am. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep after
having a dream that left me agitated.

I was at a party and had to go to the toilet. When I went in, it was a mess
with shit smeared everywhere. I started to just wiped down the seat, but the
stuff was everywhere. This was a public toilet at a party. Other people
would want to use it, not to mention the people who's party it was, so I
started to clean it up properly. 

The more I cleaned up, the more shit I found. It was everywhere,
particularly inside the toilet roll holder. It was like someone had unrolled
the toilet paper, laid turds along it, then rolled it back up and put it in
the dispenser. There was of all sorts of shit of various consitancies,
including some long logs that looked like sticky rice with peas. Fortunately
I had rubber gloves on, so I was well equiped for the thoroughly unpleasent
task.

I had just finished cleaning up, and it was pretty late. I looked out the
stall before finally using the toilet to see it was now quite dark. As I was
looking, a slightly drunk cheerful guy barged in. He was one of the small
but muscular type of asians, with an Australian accent. I complained I was
about to use the toilet, but he said all the others stalls were full and he
would be quick. 

The toilet was like a large disabled stall at a public toilet with plenty of
room. I was standing behind him, waiting for him to finnish having a piss. I
casually complained that I'd just spent the last half hour cleaning up the
toilet because someone had smeared shit everywhere. The guy turned around,
actively pissing all over the wall, saying in a mocking tone "boo-hoo, can't
stand a little mess". Still pissing, he finished up by pissing all over me.
I was drenched and thoroughly pissed off.

He was arrogantly laughing at me. I was furious, so I forcefully put his head
down the toilet. The toilet was of course now totaly spotless, and he was not
fazed at all. He went "ahh, refreshing", flicked the water out of his hair
and left the stall. I was furious and started yelling after him, but he just
mocked me back. 

I rushed out to confront him, and he suddenly adopted a martial-arts pose.
He obviously knew how to fight. As I adopted my own defensive stance I
muttered "I'm too drunk for this, but so are you". I knew I should have been
able to pound his head in. I also frustratingly knew that every punch I
threw would be ineffective. I couldn't help pulling or missing every punch
because I was too timid and frightend of hurting him.

At that point I woke up. I was most frustrated and angry with myself for not
being able to pound the little guy. As I thought about it, I remembered
there had been more to the dream before that.

Before I went to the toilet, Kevin Littlejohn (who is a really nice guy) was
saying to me "it's getting late. I brought you to this party and I don't
want you to get in trouble with Jayne. You should go home". I responded with
"It's not even dark yet, but after I go to the toilet, I'll give Jayne a
call."

And then I remembered some more even earlier stuff...

The earliest bit I could remember was very vauge. It was one of those dreams
where I was not involved, just passively observing like a movie. There was a
big oil tanker and a sense of danger, like it was being persued or under
attack. It was like a tense, slow motion, chase sequence (oil tankers are
not fast). There were some people hiding on the tanker, and some sort of
robotic guys with detachable heads, like Jethro's Galidor toys. The people
hiding on the tanker were tentatively manipulating the stearing mechanism
deep inside the tanker with no knowlege of the outcome, and uncertain if
they were helping or hindering. As it turned out, they were helping. The
robot guy (on their side) who was stearing couldn't see where he was going
because his head had fallen down into his chest cavity.

Then these people were at a place a lot like corio bay. There were barren
shelly beaches and a sort of storm-boy type house were we all lived. The
incident with the tanker had turned out badly, and the baddies had won.
Fortunately we had a full tank of petrol in the Volkswagen beatle, so some
people could go to get stuff for the party. Everyone started getting ready
for the party. There was something about a holding dam that needed a relief
valve opened. Detachable head robot guy (who didn't speak) walked me around
the holding dam, pointing out the valve (round steel wheel) on a steel pipe
on the opposite side dam wall. We walked around the dam and over the dam
wall.

Immediately on the other side of the dam wall, where the steel pipe went,
there was a dock on the edge of a bland sea. Up against the dock was a very
solid dark iron ship, like a decomissioned battleship. There was a sense of
people further up the dock. Detachable head robot guy and I got on the ship
and started walking along it. It was like an industrial-age battleship,
covered with huge iron rivets. There didn't seem to be any cabins on the
deck, giving the impression of a submarine. In the middle the ship was the
exposed tip of an extrodinary complex mechanicanism. It was all industrial
iron gears and complex mechanisms, with vauge hints of brass handles. I
tried to figure out what the device was as we walked past, thinking maybe it
was a very complex hatch or something.

After the mechanism we came to a large golden statue of a man in a dynamic
pose. It was maybe 10 feet high, very solid, and featureless, with the rough
sculptured surface that many bronze statues have. There was a man with a
sword carving the statue into large pieces and auctioning them to many
anonymous bidders on the dock. He was not using wild hacks, just firm slices
that cut slowly through the lead-like texture of the statue. I exclaimed
with surprise to robot guy that it was clearly solid gold. I felt it was a
bit of a shame to carve up such an impressive statue, but it was nothing to
do with me.

There were some other similar gold statues of various animals nearby. I was
briefly interested in these, but on closer examination they turned out to be
guilded hollow fiberglass, not solid gold.

Then I was at the party. It had just started, and people were still
arriving. Kevin Littlejohn (who is a really nice guy) was telling me...

After remembering all this, I lay awake, facinated. My anger and frustration
with the arrogant little asian guy was still coursing through me. I started
to think about what it all meant.

Is the toilet symbolic of my current life? I start out just wanting to do
something simple and fundamental for myself (go to the toilet). I put off
Jayne to do it. Once I start, I find myself frustrated by other peoples shit
getting in the way. Rather than just work around it, I clean it up properly
for the benefit of everyone. I happen to be well equiped for the task
(rubber gloves). By the time I'm finished, I have put off Jayne for way too
long (it is very dark). My only thanks is to get pissed on, but most
frustrating of all, I'm too piss weak to do anything about it.

This could apply to just about everything I do to various degrees; finding
work, helping apana, administrating minkirri, open source programming,
fixing the house, etc. And I _am_ too piss weak to do anything about it. 

Is the "party" symbolic of my current casual-when-I-want-to contracting
work? I'm doing contract programming for Kevin Littlejohn. Was he telling me
to leave the "party" and "go home" to a real job? Right now I feel like it
is "too early to leave the party", and I haven't yet had a chance to make it
work.

They say people in dreams who aren't someone you know, are representations
of yourself. Does this mean I am the little asian guy? If so, I'm an
arrogant little prick, but I can see disturbing parallels. I'm also the
detachable head robot guy who doesn't speak. When I'm meant to be stearing
the oil tanker, my head falls down into my chest and I can't see where I'm
going.

Perhaps the gold statue is my grandfathers inheritance that is currently
being carved into pieces and "auctioned off". I am kind of suprised at how
valuable it is. I feel it's a bit of a shame to carve it into pieces, but it
is nothing to do with me. I have no claim on it, and don't expect to ever
see any part of it again. The other gilded but hollow statues might be other
"inheritances" that are not worth considering.

If the golden statue is my grandfathers wealth, then the complex iron
battleship that it sits on would be my (still living) grandmother... an
interpretation that fits totally if you know my grandmother.

Perhaps stranger even than the dream are these first interpretations that
occured to me as I lay there. These are things I never think about. The gold
statue interpretation is wierdest of all. Nothing could be further from my
mind than my "inheritance", which is only partly explained by my detachment.
If anything, I am more consiously concerned about my other (living)
grandparents "inheritance" of their life stories, which will be lost unless
I record them before they are gone. It did occur to me that this golden
statue might be my still living grandfather's story, but it doesn't quite
fit.

As for the toilet; ironically one of the things Jayne complains about is
that I never clean the toilet, and even when I do, I don't do it properly.
Yet more "being pissed on"?