ETTING   OME   O   LFANDRA

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Mithent's Confused Interdimensional Travels part 10

After two days' uneventful travel towards the south-west, punctuated only by attacks by giant mutated bees, demonic creatures of the Nether Hells and two cute bunnies, the group come to a decaying, eerie castle.

"Hey, there's a sign here," says Frank. "Says, 'Another Successful Construction by Castles4Villains, Inc.'"

"Has anyone noticed how horribly cliched this whole thing is?" asks the secretary, staring at the sign.

"No," replies Bob.

"Perfectly normal to me." says Min Tan. "I guess we'd better get inside. Can I have one of your feathers?"

"But I haven't -" starts the secretary. "Oh, I have."

"Here, have one of mine. I think I'm moulting." As he talks, Mithent unceremoniously hands a feather to Min Tan.

As the group approach the drawbridge, conviently down, Min Tan turns to Toronto. "You stay here, good boy? Don't want the slightly unpleasant tax collector being slightly unpleasant to you, do you, huh?"

Toronto pants and wags his tail.

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In the courtyard of the decaying, eerie castle of the unpleasant tax collector, two deputies stand arguing - too engrossed to notice the group.

"I did see the messiah!" proclaims one of them indignantly.

"Yeah, right. Everyone says they've seen the messiah. I bet he was really some student. Do any miracles, then?" goads the other.

"Yes! He made a blind man see, and cured a leaper!"

"What? A leaper?"

The secretary can't resist blurting out with, "Leper, you mean!"

"Idiot, you've told them we're here," hisses Mithent. Or whatever canaries do.

The secretary glares back. "And they weren't going to notice two giant canaries, a scarecrow, a strange man with a chainsaw and a mouse soon enough?"

"Not with the invisibility shields I put on us!"

"No, Mithent, they made the air slightly clammy. We're still perfectly visible."

By now, the mystical property of main characters to never be bothered by anyone while talking amongst themselves has broken, and the deputy tax collectors approach.

"Hey, what're you here for? Huh? Didya see the messiah too?"

"I'm *telling* you, I really saw the messiah!"

"Oh, stop that twaddle!"

"We're here to tickle the Slightly Unpleasant Tax Collector of the South-West!" proclaims Frank.

"And I bet the 'messiah' sent you, didn't he?" demands the nonbelieving tax collector sarcastically.

"No, it was the Unpleasant Blizzard of Schnozz." states Mithent.

"The word 'unpleasant' is cropping up far too often," muses the secretary.

"Look, it's not as though someone's *writing* this, is it? Be quiet." replies Mithent before turning back to the deputies. "Could you take us to the Tax Collector?"

"Do you believe in the messiah first? I won't do it if you don't believe in the messiah." whinges one of the tax collectors.

"If you believe in the messiah, you're not going anywhere!" says the other angrily.

"But, a messiah from which religion?" argues Mithent.

The tax collectors look at each other. "Er, actually, I don't know," admits the believer. "I guess we have to let you pass. But do you know the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?"

"No." reply the group in almost-unison.

"Oh, okay. It was just a quiz question on 'Who Wants To See A Millionaire. Never mind. The Tax Collector is through the door at the end of the hall."

With that, the group head to the door, ready for their ultimate confromation with the Slightly Unpleasant Tax Collector. And, for some insane reason, tickle him. Well, no-one claims blizzards are intelligent...